Love and hate - Singapore

Mr Brown's put up some lovely old photographs of Singapore circa 1966/1967.

One of the things I struggle with is that I find Singapore difficult to love. I don't hate Singapore; I am aware that are many many good things about living in Singapore but nevertheless, I find Singapore difficult to love.

I like the convenience of living here, the efficient public transport and etc but somehow, something is always missing.

But anyway, I saw those old photos and was suddenly overcome with this ofeeling of wistfulness. i don't know why. I wasn't born in the 1960s and I have never experienced 1960s Singapore but when I looked at these pictures, I was overcome by this.... wistful feeling that once upon a time, maybe Singapore was a place that was easier to love. Maybe.

But that feeling evaporated by the time I took the next train home. That train and some of the trains in the last few weeks have required quarts of patience and fortitude. Once I ended up hugging Mr Grey all the way from my stop to town - not that i mind hugging him - but it was that crowded. So crowded we couldn't afford to even have normal couple space between us.

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But there are very specific parts of Singapore I do love - wholeheartedly and easily. I love wandering around the Katong area, eating nyonya kuehs, peeking into shops that sell Peranakan paraphernalia ...

I love my walk home and how the path from the train station into the estate leads me past a small patch of green and how on rainy days, the path echoes with the sound of a bull frog chorus. There are melodies and harmonies and I am in love with how it drowns out even the sound of the trains passing by. I love that path, that little itty bit of green with the occasional flashes of blue from kingfishers and the odd squirrel.

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On a somewhat related note.

Just the other day, I was walking home in the dim twilight. Not on the same path as above, another one. (this is why I love my estate, it abounds in paths that cut through swathes of green)

As I walked, I peered out in the gloom and saw something that made my hair stand at first. Staring back at me was a pair of eyes, a tall great thing that seemed to come up to waist height. Then I realized the thing was a very very large bird on stilt like legs with banded brown and white wings.

For brief moments, I looked at the bird and it looked at me. And all the time I wondered - what breed? What species? Have I got time to take a photo? No, too dark. Argh.

Then it hopped away and was lost in the gathering night. 

(I have a very old book - Birds of Singapore - that I bought when I was 11. It has coloured pictures (not photographs) and is somewhere in the wasteland that is my room. I have GOT to track that book down and find out what bird that was.)

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Random addendum

I look around at a lot of people who can't imagine living anywhere else. Then there are people who would jump at a chance to get out.

It's odd but I'm not really in either group. I like specific bits about here. Mostly that the family is here and so life is easier - the kind of ease that comes when you have a large extended family and their support.

I'm aware that life elsewhere is likely to be tougher in some respects. But... when I think about having green spaces and my kids growing up to live in shoebox apartments ... there is a sense of worry and unease. This is no country for dreamers.

Mr and Mrs Grey

It's been awhile since I blogged and I honestly contemplated beginning this one with "Reader, I married him" but stopped myself (sorta).

About 19 days ago, Mr Grey and I got married. It's been about 19 days and I'm still counting, still mildly incredulous that it actually happened. But every morning, I wake up to Mr Grey's voice (he generally gets up earlier) and I am reminded all over again - married.

He and I, in a church, vows, lots of people, white dress, toasting, our fun bridal party, my aunt's tears, all the fleeting hurried impressions of the day we got married.

His name isn't Mr Grey of course. I named him after his sleepy grey cat. The real Mr Grey - if there is ever such a thing - is a large grey cat who has a gentle nature and pads about looking curiously and sleepily at life. Nevertheless, on this blog and in this space, he is and always shall be, Mr Grey and by extension, I suppose I am now Mrs Grey.

All the asides aside, in the last month

I got married
went for a too short honeymoon in Bali
came back to work
did a lot of laundry
bought some carpets got sick and
read some poetry.

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The Guardian has done up this fun interactive site where poets post up their favourite love poems. I love that Donne (my personal favourite) got picked three times :)

And now good-morrow to our waking souls,

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Dear Mr Grey,

Borrowing the words of Donne -


And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear ;
For love all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone ;
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown ;
Let us possess one world ; each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest ;
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp north, without declining west ?
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally ;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.


:)

longevity

I am constantly amazed at my friends. Not just that they are there, that they have stuck around for so long but also at the people that they are.

When wedding is over, the one thing I will give thanks for is the fact that the whole business of organizing it has really shown me who my friends are. And I am honestly amazed.

I don't think I ever expected my friends to stick around for me for so long. I've known some of them 10 or 12 years now .... and I'm still thankful for them.

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The only thing that amazes me more is the sheer amount of help and love Mr Grey and I are receiving from our church group. Mr Grey and I haven't always been in this church; in fact, all things considered, we're still new-ish and in the last couple of years, we've really struggled to settle in.

One of the things we confessed to each other not too long ago, was that we'd each made the decision to quietly give up one of our other extra curricular activities.... so that we could invest our whole heart in the church group. Otherwise it would be too easy to get distracted by another group and have it "fulfil" all our social needs and just simply go to church group out of a sense of duty.

Plus in between work and other commitments, if we invested our time in other groups, there simply wouldn't be enough time to go around to church group as well.

It's so odd that we both made the same decision without even consulting each other but I'm so glad we did.

on Christ and marriage

Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living. Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children. Being united to Christ by faith is a greater source of material success than perfect sex and double-income prosperity.

So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it.

-- John Piper This Momentary Marriage

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I've had a trying weekend - what with Mr Grey being very sick and needing care and attention, trying to run errands and various other commitments.....

But when i look back, i wonder if i could have been more patient, less crabby about it.

I mean, i did everything i was supposed to but I don't think my attitude was very good - i'm a person who loves her creature comforts and having to tend to a very sick person isn't the most cushy job.

i think i wrote before that Pray for Ian is one of my favourite blogs but it didn't really occur to me until now .... what an enormous leap of faith and love .... for Larissa to marry Ian.

And yet. what a crazy display of Christ's love it is too. Self sacrificial, looking heaven ward the entire time.... in the time I've been reading their blog, I think I've grown to appreciate heaven so much more and I've started looking heaven ward more and more too. Not in a crazy fatalistic way but in an appreciative way, knowing that what is sick and wrong with this world can never be cured without Christ.

7 month itch

I have figured out the hard way that there is no way I can last more than 7-8 months at work without at least a 10 day break. By Month 6, I'm suffering from an extreme form of exhaustion, sleeping all the time on weekends and yet unable to get much work done.

Anyway. I'm holding out for just ONE more month before I get to .... run away somewhere but.... argh there is so much to be done in the ONE silly month!

At this point I just want to fast forward to the moment where i get to lie by the pool in a swimsuit and laze the day away.

However I take heart from the fact that things are moving, work has started on the long awaited kitchen and that I've found these cool recipes to try.

Easy sounding two step pasta

Lamb Tagine that doesn't require browning

Banana Cake

I suspect that the pasta might become a staple. I'm very fond of a quick and easy pasta for a weeknight meal - plus it sounds (sorta) healthy too.

My own kitchen! No more huntiing for spatulas and pots and pans through someone else's kitchen and having to ask where everything is! I will know! Because it will be MY KITCHEN!

Oh and Mr Grey's too of course :)


[insert appropriate territorial animal sound]

3 + 2 + 1

How sad is it that in the 5 week run up to my own wedding, I am thinking - not of flowers or make up or whatever - but about the fact that I have these hurdles coming up before the day comes:

3 days of trial

2 hearings

1 mediation.

They might need to peel my sleeping form off Mr Grey's shoulder at the reception.